Like a pup
Despite reaching a mature age and above average knowledge – in the form of books, people and in the ways of how the world works, I sometimes feel like a pup. It might be the weather, or the lack of sunlight. It shouldn’t be the lack of social contact, as the holidays provided me a full serving of that. It could be the weight of many responsibilities heaped together into a dish I can’t quite chew all at once.
Still I feel like I’ve had a relatively good time lately. Saw a couple movies, went out for meals with friends, had many long walks in parks and new neighborhoods. Been keeping up with my running regimen – and that hasn’t been a small feat given the windy coldness. Been blogging enough, keeping up with my coding ideas and learning. What I haven’t been doing enough of is drawing, morning pages, taking photos, and the weekly remoteness appointments (times where you spend an hour or two alone at something you normally would not do- go to a museum, wander into new stores/ nabes, browse sections of bookstores/libraries you normally wouldn’t. I like to think of that line from Monty Python’s Flying Circus when I embark on this journey, “And now for something completely different…” ).
Ritually, Sunday nights have always been my “Gap analysis”. That moment when you focus on what you want and what you have and see how wide that gap is. This is a term I borrowed from the MBA types, it was hot about a decade ago. I like it because it describes what I naturally did most of my life. You see what that gap is and you build a bridge, or think about the ingredients to build that bridge to connect the present with the intended future. Lately I feel like that beagle pup looks- which could be a good thing- there is a metamorphosis going on, whilst being scary in its uncertainty.
In the last few years, when I developed the habit of an emotional laundry basket, that got me through some rough times. I try to identify those sticky, stinky smelling, emotional to-do’s and I put them into the hamper. Then when I have the time and energy I take out some laundry and wash and spin and dry so to speak. I like it, since it allows me to put it ‘there’ and not worry about it for a while, and then I know to come back to it later. Its somewhat like the basic tenet of GTD (Getting Things Done), make reliable lists so that you can free your mind for more creative thought.
Sometimes, I guess the really dirty emotional laundry sinks down to the bottom of the hamper and you just have to make the time to flip it upside-down and take them all out and do some extra work/cleaning. Deep breath in, and set an alarm – emotional time doesn’t work the same. Wouldn’t want to get stuck in an emotional wash cycle. 
During might not be so special but afterwards is nice. Its like that feeling when you get all the fresh smelling clothes folded and put away. Then you have that cup of tea. Exhale.
