Blended Living

• Its cold and late and dark and many things seem out of sorts
• not simply the physical but others
• in my newly reorganized bedroom I replugged in my DVD recorder
• and haven’t updated the clock so the blinking 12:00 beckons
• by the second and the rational side of me knows that its just another
• chronological display and I just haven’t found my way to do it and the spare 5 minutes to punch in the correct time
• but its like a symbol for how things are lately
• it could just take a few minutes but its not really urgent
• so let it blink…
• its little visual addition to the otherwise dark room dimly lit by the glow of a small netbook is just enough to be noticed on my periphery
• I wrongly over react and try to reign in my awareness
• to pull in my antenna so as to not notice the incessant calling of noon or midnight but
• such little things can teach us to narrow our view like when our brains don’t get enough oxygen
• and the tunnel starts to cave in on us
• except this is our attention to the here and now
• and contributes greatly to the enjoyment of life
• or lack thereof
• such little acts of attention towards ourselves and others
• tip our emotions between those that add to our energy
• and those that tear it down
• I wish to have the words and deeds that could enlighten my comrades in their harsh times
• my thoughts that go in and out with each of my slow even breaths
• perhaps they can fill in the blank thats in my little packet of intention with the words or thoughts
• or feelings that would envelop them like a warm blanket
• a spiritual hug if you will
• that says it will be OK
• and its just a blinking light.

• its strange to wish for somethings and have them appear so regularly sometimes
• it makes you think that you should have been more ambitious
• I envisioned scrap wood and acrylic pieces and they appeared on my walks
• that weekly metrocard that appeared when my legs got tired
• the exact piece of plywood I’m using now as a base for a lightbox
• perhaps I should be more selective in my visions
• that white translucent # 2447 plexglass arrived a day early and I cut and assembled the
• back and sides of the lightbox – I wish I could cut a straighter line
• with the jigsaw, but given the limited woodworking projects so far
• its not that bad, or the sander straightens what the jigsaw wrought
• its fun to make something that involves LEDS, acrylic and wood working
• which really is a foundation for future projects and
• I don’t know if this something new and can’t be bought elsewhere
• or if it will in the end prove to be something that just seemed a great idea
• still as lightboxes go, this will be fairly cheap compared to pre mades
• next steps are to check spacing and quantity of flat white LEDs and to figure
• out how to assemble  them – either use PCBs or just connect them
• directly to the plywood base somehow
• picked up a shop vac that will connect somehow to the lightbox for vacuuming away
• tiny glass and acrylic dust which is harmful if breathed
• which reminds me I didn’t pick up masks
• the Euro just woke up and in typical 6AM Greenwich fashion but there
• appears to be resistance around 1.4730
• which reminds me there are a few AHK projects I wanted to do on the computer
• that got hip checked out of the way by the woodworking projects
• and somehow I want to fit in some running and Yoga now
• that I rearranged and have more floor space
• but how to blend all this into a week and still get 7 hrs sleep a night?
• oh, there she blows!  - Euro breaking out above resistance
• bouncing off the 10 daily SMA today
• FOMC is this week, I doubt there will be any changes for the next few months
• but the tone could send a jittery market a flutter
• falling back from 1.4745 now, but it looks like it will travel all the way up to the 4hr UBB
• that is the Upper Bollinger Band around 1.4755
• now to figure out how to fit in that running, so that the sleeping is better, so I have more energy
• so that I can focus better, and trade more actively, so that I can have more time…
• if it wasn’t so late I’d reach for the camera and snap a few shots of the unbuilt lightbox
• figure out if the minute chart is resetting to bounce up here while the stochastics is running down below 20
• but I think its enough for today.

• the twilight run in Central Park tested my focus which was not that sharp today
• like a dull ache longing for crisper times
• of a mental edge that cut through crap so well
• but I was mildly amazed at my ability to hold a serene thought and
• allow my body to work out its kinks and let
• the motor go on for a while longer than
• some days when my mind (or ego) can’t sustain the pace and it yells louder or just loud enough
• so that my legs slow down to a walk
• however tonight fueled by many runners and 64F weather and that
• fun run coming up in 36 hours was just enough to get me
• down by the lake in good time and just a couple pauses
• soon after my legs propelled me automatically and minutes later
• my left thigh seized like an engine that lost valve oil
• but just for a moment as a couple stretches and yoga like deep breathes
• flowed some necessary body ingredients to sore areas
• playing with my new toys
• I don’t doubt that neighbors are wondering if a dentist has moved in their midsts
• so I need to think about soundproofing a bit
• or relegate my craft activities to the locked bathroom until
• I do figure out something
• “easy glass etching” seems an oxymoron but it isn’t the first such title I’ve gotten out of the library
• I wonder if that cheap Ikea glass stuff is worth testing some etching on
• and I remind myself I need to order facemasks
• before I read about glass dust dangers and scare myself out of that side of the hobby
• but that light box/table I’m gonna make should ameliorate dust enough
• so that I won’t obsess about it
• still I need to read and educate myself some more and practice on cheaper and less toxic acrylic first
• the forex chart shows a nice trade I missed while showering
• and the LED I implanted into a yellow ping pong ball makes a nice light
• no glare, bright enough and it looks like a bulb albeit
• with two little thin wire legs coming out of it
• maybe I should take a marker and anthropomorphisize it somehow
• or maybe I’m just a bit lightheaded after running about 6-7 miles tonight
• my Cstream wanders into a neat short Kafka-esque story of an inventor with lots of LEDs and ping pong balls
• but perhaps with a happy ending
• and I wonder if there is such a thing as childrens pop up book with LEDs used in an imaginative way to “hi-lite” the story
• or in some other way educate and involve the reader enough
• to have them interact so that they finish the circuit
• in order to complete the multi-ending story
• that last idea has enough ‘oomph’ to think about more
• but alas we do live in such a virtual society already and would
• such a blended concept take hold?
• maybe there is some magic in taking the old and new and creating something just a little different
• that Euro is taking off into 1.47xx land
• as the daily chart looks like its about to climb K2
• with a short stint at base 1
• the 4 hour charts show hesitation at 1.4730 ish but
• as usual 6am greenwich time has some early Euro bull risers
• will it linger in the 1.48 area and come back down with the upcoming US stock market pullback?
• go with the trend, go with the trend
• I need to make that mantra into a song
• is there a word that means “song-ify”?
• the active voice is so much more well active
• me thinks I have drained that last bit of caffeinated adrenaline out of me
• but a quick glance at the etching book before ping pong out.

• it bugs me that I haven’t been adding photos here as much as I imagined
• but I am pleased about the pace of many other hobbies
• and the confluence of some
• excited about a light box I’m designed in my head
• and should really capture more ideas onto paper or in the computer
• before some ideas fall off the ends of my mind
• white plexiglass #2447 is what is used for lightboxes or X-Ray viewers
• or light installations which is funny how I found out
• as I wondered about what the best way to search that was
• as I ‘gestured’ by accidnet on my laptop’s touch panel and it jumped to the bottom of an Ebay listing and there it was
• a few clicks later ordering a piece of #2447 sized to the plywood I picked up earlier last week
• and hoping that a 16 x 19 inch lightbox is sufficient for my needs and that
• 1/8th inch plexiglass will be thick enough
• and calculating whether I’ll need to glue it down
• or allow it to float there
• and how many bright white LEDs and what spacing will be best to illuminate the box
• yet not have hot and cold spots
• and trying to figure out how to attach some kind of netting or plastic to keep dust from flying out when etching, or other dremel like activities
• and sizing shop vacs
• and thinking about angles for other lights but not introduce glare onto clear arylic
• then the Cstream thinks about other projects made do-able by the perfect lightbox with
• a debris vacuum, and under and over lighting, and raised edges, and some kind of plastic netting to keep dust down.

• rearranged my laptop stand and monitor in my bedroom and its not quite right yet
• which feels much like everything lately
• not inertia but a step sideways perhaps to a new perspective
• but not quite comfortable or feeling better yet
• was a sports milestones weekend as
• Jeter eclipsed the Yankee hit record
• Serena yelled her way out of the semifinals
• last second scoring in the Broncos included a tip and lucky TD catch
• Federer looked like he was master in command only
• to be surpassed himself the next day
• which leaves me wondering how to feel about it as
• I admired his fitness and strategy and mental fortitude
• only to read it online that he lost after I gave up watching the second set thinking
• that it was all but over and tired of
• watching the Federer vise close in on his opponents
• now I wish I recorded the match
• but that is how chance is sometimes… like
• the friend that almost ran into me with his car turning on 86th street
• as I stared up at my fantasy home
• contemplating the staggering sums of money to fulfill that dream
• and wondering why I stopped running regularly this summer suddenly
• but have to concede to the idea of the fun run being the start of my fall running season
• rather than the goal at the end
• the news lately accentuates a sense of things not being quite right
• with the Yale student’s latest creating doubt about many things
• yet this is the precise moment to renew faiths and beliefs
• but the mind wanders as I try to exercise some mind control
• my own mindfulness that is, not over someone else while
• I fold clothes but the touch of cotton
• and the smell of detergent and sights of colors isn’t
• enough to keep me here and now without struggle
• still the clothes are folded sooner than expected and further down
• my stream I think about the Broke American whom I
• know only as an avatar in a forum
• but his blog about consumerism and addictions and weight loss
• clues me into how much he is trying to do and all at once
• the setting sun looked marvelous from my neighbors roof deck
• as we consumed some moderately priced beer from Whole Foods
• and we spoke of many varied things and it struck me that I felt so strongly
• that our near future, that is the next few years will test all of us
• yet things will come out OK as I remain
• on the optimistic side of realism
• but many events do trouble me.

• The weather lately seems almost too nice
• especially for this time of year
• when the humidity and temperature in F usually add up to well over 170
• but this summer its rarely hit that horrible dis-comfort index as
• long as you are not on a crowded subway platform that is
• seems along with other technical hurdles the MTA can’t seem to figure out a way to
• cool off the platforms and with the construction at 96th street its only gotten worse
• I think it was well over 100F the other day down there
• and with the moisture dripping all over the place it only seems to be some
• medieval torture center in the making rather than
• the nice new more convenient subway station it will become before the
• next Olympics hopefully
• resurrected many hobbies of late
• and the anticipation phase of any endeavor causes more excitement and
• misleading thoughts than any other
• such as buying way too many things on Ebay
• but as the weather turns in the coming weeks and more activities go indoors
• I hope my recent failing nearsighted eyesight holds up to the miniature
• electronics hobby I seem to enjoy so much
• that’s a picture of a PCB, or prototype circuit board
• it allows one to solder on small parts and wire them underneath
• its like a multi-dimensional puzzle with some dimensions being
• the physical layout on top, the wiring underneath, and a consideration for power requirement  so that
• the parts do what you want them to do
• whether that’s a bright LED array, or a DC power supply, or a plant grow light
• or a myriad of other tiny gadgets
• not sure how I wondered over into acrylics from woodworking
• but found some Ebay sellers for scrap pieces thick enough and cheap enough
• to experiment with a couple blended projects
• like maybe a stool with a clear top and lit from below with LEDs
• or a corner or side table lit up, having wooden legs, and a clear acrylic top
• next thought about a light box, actually of both types
• one for art projects like drawing and etching onto acrylic
• and the other type which is a bright light to simulate the sun during the winter months
• haven’t spec’d that out yet, so don’t know if my current parts inventory has bulbs that simulate daylight enough to work
• while thinking about it, there is another light box the kind used in photography and the LEDs do lend themselves well to enhancing lighting for digital photo projects
• and red light for darkrooms, if that ever strays into my hobby stronghold
• amassing some new tools like better soldering station, and better pliers and cutters
• unfortunately my dremel like tool hit a snag as the seller let me know they may be out of stock
• so may have to go back to the buying matrix decision board and start over
• which is fun in of itself sometimes
• but I can see how this buying thing can be such an addiction and should stop
• and have been slowing as I crunch the data and the buying matrix function
• returns some ‘no sale’ responses
• however purchases made already have a steady stream of deliveries
• and my delivery chain (UPS, USPS, FEDEX and doormen) must start to wonder what I’m up to
• the lastest wandering off into new hobbyland has me reading about
• wiring my own speaker crossovers and
• winding magnet wire for inductors and what kind of
• capacitors create the best high pass filters
• which would be a great hobby to combine electronics, woodworking and possibly some acrylics stuff
• but I wonder what I’m gonna do with the rest of the 200 tweeters I bought for 10 bucks?
• (no not kidding – it was too good a deal to pass up)
• and with free shipping!  but it might have strained my guy’s back
• they are tiny tweeters but 200 add up
• so now I’m searching for tone generators and speaker building sites
• wondering if there is freeware for tuning speakers
• and if pimping speakers with LED lights goes too far.

What’s been going on?  Its been a while since I’ve added words here.  Guess I just took some time off for the summer.  However a new season and is almost upon us.  Much ado about students returning to school, or entering a new phase in their lives which means work will be ramping up very soon.   Those vacationing in the Hamptons- the traders I mean- are drinking their last whatevers and getting back to business, so markets will likely be more volatile- meaning my other vocation picks up steam too.

I can’t believe that my older one is starting High School.  Orientation is this Wednesday. “Number One” my affectionate name for my first born, is excited and scared, as is expected.  There will be much to discuss later Wednesday, as she discovers more details about her next 4 years.  My little one, starts Middle School, so there is no shortage of newness in my household this year.

In fact, much of the last year has been spent preparing for this moment.  Essays, school visits, recommendations, late night discussions about school choice priorities, test prep, test taking – all wind into this next stage that starts imminently.  An emotional high pressure center is building over my dining table as we speak.  Clear skies or thunderstorms are hard to predict.

I’m reminded that sometimes ‘doing nothing’ is the right thing to be doing, sometimes.  Its just so frustrating to wait out these times, or at least it is profoundly for me.  So what’s a guy to do?  I restarted a couple hobbies – electronics and woodworking.   With so much that I do that is on a keyboard and virtual, its nice to actually plan, buy, cut, saw, hammer, screw and finish a little step stool, or solder a LED array.   A couple hours of concentration and something physical to show for it.

The upside is that its so much fun.  The downside is my skyrocketing Ebay ratings- all as a buyer. Still all in all, the stuff doesn’t take up too much room, and the cost will pay dividends over the next few months.  I do enjoy when seemingly disparate fields blend over into another.  My mind imagines combining the electronics with the woodworking with some photography- or an idea in one domain bleeds over into another.  I just won another auction…  This borders on addiction, but its managed.  Now I’ve got a small Dremel-like rotary tool.  It was a bargain!

I took some shots of the LED array lighting up my breadboard.  It should appear above at some point, assuming I remember…  Alas, too many things, not enough time.  Momentum is hard to keep up.  But like a hike up a hill, we can barely make out that next valley- we’re almost there.  Fall is my favorite photo season.   This and my other sites are sorely lacking new photos.  Click click. Snap snap.

• Been working out a lot and hard which
• produced the best night of sleep I’ve had in a short while
• as pleasant as it was, it wasn’t anything compared to that morning when
• my older child stopped her colic-y period
• and I slept thru the night- a full night of sleep after months
• which reminds me the next time she asked what I’ve done for her lately, I might
• pull that one out of the chest
• but midnight runs in Central Park are so peaceful, alone
• in my discipline, without anyone (almost) to observe my breathlessness at
• the tail ends of sprints and the click click click
• of my yellow stopwatch
• even the raccoons were no where to be seen, they
• took the rainy night off, I guess, but today
• as I walked some plants back to their owners, the expression
• “Too many brooms, and too few dustpans”
• sprung forth in my mind, unaware if I parrot or coined
• a new expression that describes a frustrating episode of my life
• but somehow pleased to bring something new and creative out
• of the darkness of limbo-land
• a recent grad sues her college for her not finding a job after a 3 month search
• seems too comical yet reveals the present unemployment frustrations,
• yet digging just slightly past the surface the article
• mentions her 2.7 GPA and solid attendance record and if that doesn’t cement
• an attitude of entitlement- I’m not sure what does
• maybe the publicity will land her a job, but watch out
• at her next review…
• yet something comes to mind from a late night infomercial
• about unreasonable people…
• but somehow that isn’t exemplified well in this case
• still the thought lingers from that Buddha saying:
• “you become what you do now”
• numbers and codes come to mind to outline a running regimen
• but some more spit and polish and testing is forthcomoing
• just to say that it seems to fit me well.

Its been an interesting month so far.  Been sick and rested plenty.  Summer flu isn’t fun at all.  Allowed enough time to pass to let some subconscious thoughts bubble up to the surface.  Last three months have been good with many milestones hit, and then its like walking onto that higher diving board and wham – you freeze up a bit.

So maybe its what they call a rebuilding period.  So I took a few days off and actually worked with my hands and some power tools and spare lumber and other things and dusted off some old projects that lingered on the ‘not urgent’ end of the to-do list.  Put up that coat hook, ordered some hardware, fixed a loose chair, made a calf block, set up the monitors at home to expand my screen real estate.  …and excavated into a pile of stuff that I’ve been putting off organizing.

I guess I have run out of some long term goals, too.  A series of rising expectations, whereby paradoxically I should be happiest, having completed some major goals – yet I’m not.  Perhaps its time to brush off the tush and not rest on those laurels any longer.  It reminds me of the story I heard from an Olympic gold medalist.  The day after the trophy ceremony was his saddest day.  He was goal-less.  And so much effort and focus led to that gold medal.

Its not necessarily that being so goal-driven is a good thing.  After all we should not be solely identified by our goals and accomplishments.  Its more that he was directionless.  Something along the lines of the travel, not the destination.

Another way to look at it is that this is sort of a personal Minsky Moment.  Along that plane of existence, there aren’t more higher highs to be found.  It is time to re-invent myself in some fashion.  What was that saying?  If you’re not growing you’re dying.   Its time to visit a chameleon spirit- if such a beast exists. A vision quest.   If the current financial collapse was a Minsky Moment of overextended credit – what exactly have I run out of in my life?  I can’t seem to draw the parallel.

As usual, thinking along these lines creates more questions, not less.  A quote that came my way recently resonates strongly.  “What you are is what you have been. What you’ll be is what you do now.” -Buddha

But what to do now?  Pieces of the answer are obvious, but as I grasp for the answer  it is  like the tip of an iceberg.  Too heavy and cold to lift out of the murky waters.   Do I proceed as I have been, or do I learn a new way to walk and talk and see and relate?   The answer will come eventually and soon I suspect.  I can feel it coming together.  A new blend.

Horrid Mosquito!

My net has thousands of holes

Not one for you- Splat!