Blended Living » Uncategorized

SoC #34

John — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 04:52:11 +0000

Only my third post and half the year is almost over!
This is my stream of Consciousness writing in case you wander over here
and wonder what these jumbles of words are
it came about one late night when I thought what would be the easiest way to let words flow onto these virtual pages
and the first SoC was born
I think its more important to let the ideas out and into the wild to
perhaps enlighten another, or bring about a smile or even dare I
say cause another sentient being to spark some words of their own
finding beauty in all its definitions and on occasion, to create some here maybe
running is such a joy again, I read the last post and all that pollen came back in my memory
that was not fun at all
and the post before that was months earlier
but as I recreate the timeline I remember what I was fixated on those first few months of the year
those little pips that bob and weave up and down 24 x 7 (well actually 5)
it astounds me that I become so enraptured by its beauty and complexity
and yet my innermost goal is not to become “rich” but yet to be the best trader I can be
it rings somewhat hollow to trade currencies and not want to become filthy rich
but that is the passion that grips me wholeheartedly, despite that ultimate irony
still there is something to it, to see its beauty that way, and in that angle and at that lighting
the complexity sheds, and reveals an even more beautiful sight to behold
a natural naked simplicity
one that requires one to be so honest with oneself, to trust that instinct
like a surfer rides a wave until a new one forms, but in that moment they are all one
the rider, the board, the wave, the sun, everything is all one
for a moment
I so do want to put a photo at the top of each post, and I’ve threatened that before
but I have been inspired lately
and I’m asking permission to put a special photo up, but its not mine, so need to ask first
which reminds me that this city is still so fascinating to me
I never know what I will come across, or when I’ll meet someone new and have a conversation
that is different and fresh because they hail from another part of the world.

The Artists Maze

John — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 04:59:51 +0000

Flutter and the fall

What words lie dormant today?

Three Mo(u)rning pages

SoC #30

John — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 11:58:03 +0000

How strange to hunger for some pure fiction reading as
I usually devour anything but that
yet nothing yields true in my quest to sate my mental appetite
even some of the Young Adult books borrowed for others
and ebooks is similarly lacking despite the many titles that come up
downloading Karmic Koala now, just 17 more minutes
but its too late to burn and reboot now
weekend you can’t come soon enough!
just one more day for the man
then two for me and mine
found a couple things cleaning, and thought of two things I can’t find
with all the titles in my home, not finding something to read for a few minutes before turning in is well
very unsatisfying to say the least
I go through the motions but don’t put enough of myself into those present moments so
some workouts and other exercises seem hollow
but better than not doing them
and certainly better than putting thoughts energy and time into negatives
one thing to slide trying to hold fast quite another to just run in the wrong direction
trying to build some momentum to slingshot around
the dark winter months
and emerge in the spring ready
rather than have to gather strength then and start from scratch
but running in winter is its own special discipline
dark and cold, dark and cold, step by step but what a way to start the days
with sunrises and serotonin storms in the brain, and those late afternoon lulls are weakening as my body and spirit grows stronger
but such noble habits are fragile and have to maintain the string
Seinfeldian chains and such
Run on S’s and T’s, short of that at least 3 days a week weather permitting mornings
that download meter lies as its still saying 17 minutes now
but maybe I’m in the dark territory of my home WiFi
and those packets keep colliding
an old game appeared in the mail from an ebay auction that thoroughly
entertained us a few years ago (and promptly the disk hid itself thereafter)
hoping its still fun, but not as addicting as it was those 100+ hrs the two last weeks of 2004
maybe I hook up the projector and we can play it on the large screen with the speakers cranked
for the full effect but patience for the right time
it would hardly fit into the schedule now with HW and world series but
there isn’t a game tomorrow night…
it could even be an inventive incentive to get HW done early for some gaming fun
I’d trade game time for TV time but
that Nova episode on Darwin teeters precariously on the edge of extinction on my DVR
and it behaves much better when its only 80% gorged with my TV programs
not much more frustrating than a weeks worth of shows recorded missing the last few minutes of each
so there will be blood, a disgorging of shows
and I finally found something interesting to browse
a book at ebook.nypl about influential characters that never lived
or fictional people that have influenced us like
the Marlboro Man to mickey mouse to Spock, now
morphing those guys together surely would make for a fun dance partner.

Lucidity

John — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 16:04:22 +0000

Beautiful idea

Momentous clarity astounds

The bloom whithers

SoC #28

John — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 05:58:02 +0000

Its cold and late and dark and many things seem out of sorts
not simply the physical but others
in my newly reorganized bedroom I replugged in my DVD recorder
and haven’t updated the clock so the blinking 12:00 beckons
by the second and the rational side of me knows that its just another
chronological display and I just haven’t found my way to do it and the spare 5 minutes to punch in the correct time
but its like a symbol for how things are lately
it could just take a few minutes but its not really urgent
so let it blink…
its little visual addition to the otherwise dark room dimly lit by the glow of a small netbook is just enough to be noticed on my periphery
I wrongly over react and try to reign in my awareness
to pull in my antenna so as to not notice the incessant calling of noon or midnight but
such little things can teach us to narrow our view like when our brains don’t get enough oxygen
and the tunnel starts to cave in on us
except this is our attention to the here and now
and contributes greatly to the enjoyment of life
or lack thereof
such little acts of attention towards ourselves and others
tip our emotions between those that add to our energy
and those that tear it down
I wish to have the words and deeds that could enlighten my comrades in their harsh times
my thoughts that go in and out with each of my slow even breaths
perhaps they can fill in the blank thats in my little packet of intention with the words or thoughts
or feelings that would envelop them like a warm blanket
a spiritual hug if you will
that says it will be OK
and its just a blinking light.

SoC # 24

John — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 11:56:22 +0000

rearranged my laptop stand and monitor in my bedroom and its not quite right yet
which feels much like everything lately
not inertia but a step sideways perhaps to a new perspective
but not quite comfortable or feeling better yet
was a sports milestones weekend as
Jeter eclipsed the Yankee hit record
Serena yelled her way out of the semifinals
last second scoring in the Broncos included a tip and lucky TD catch
Federer looked like he was master in command only
to be surpassed himself the next day
which leaves me wondering how to feel about it as
I admired his fitness and strategy and mental fortitude
only to read it online that he lost after I gave up watching the second set thinking
that it was all but over and tired of
watching the Federer vise close in on his opponents
now I wish I recorded the match
but that is how chance is sometimes… like
the friend that almost ran into me with his car turning on 86th street
as I stared up at my fantasy home
contemplating the staggering sums of money to fulfill that dream
and wondering why I stopped running regularly this summer suddenly
but have to concede to the idea of the fun run being the start of my fall running season
rather than the goal at the end
the news lately accentuates a sense of things not being quite right
with the Yale student’s latest creating doubt about many things
yet this is the precise moment to renew faiths and beliefs
but the mind wanders as I try to exercise some mind control
my own mindfulness that is, not over someone else while
I fold clothes but the touch of cotton
and the smell of detergent and sights of colors isn’t
enough to keep me here and now without struggle
still the clothes are folded sooner than expected and further down
my stream I think about the Broke American whom I
know only as an avatar in a forum
but his blog about consumerism and addictions and weight loss
clues me into how much he is trying to do and all at once
the setting sun looked marvelous from my neighbors roof deck
as we consumed some moderately priced beer from Whole Foods
and we spoke of many varied things and it struck me that I felt so strongly
that our near future, that is the next few years will test all of us
yet things will come out OK as I remain
on the optimistic side of realism
but many events do trouble me.

Almost There

John — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 12:03:50 +0000

What’s been going on? Its been a while since I’ve added words here. Guess I just took some time off for the summer. However a new season and is almost upon us. Much ado about students returning to school, or entering a new phase in their lives which means work will be ramping up very soon. Those vacationing in the Hamptons- the traders I mean- are drinking their last whatevers and getting back to business, so markets will likely be more volatile- meaning my other vocation picks up steam too.

I can’t believe that my older one is starting High School. Orientation is this Wednesday. “Number One” my affectionate name for my first born, is excited and scared, as is expected. There will be much to discuss later Wednesday, as she discovers more details about her next 4 years. My little one, starts Middle School, so there is no shortage of newness in my household this year.

In fact, much of the last year has been spent preparing for this moment. Essays, school visits, recommendations, late night discussions about school choice priorities, test prep, test taking – all wind into this next stage that starts imminently. An emotional high pressure center is building over my dining table as we speak. Clear skies or thunderstorms are hard to predict.

I’m reminded that sometimes ‘doing nothing’ is the right thing to be doing, sometimes. Its just so frustrating to wait out these times, or at least it is profoundly for me. So what’s a guy to do? I restarted a couple hobbies – electronics and woodworking. With so much that I do that is on a keyboard and virtual, its nice to actually plan, buy, cut, saw, hammer, screw and finish a little step stool, or solder a LED array. A couple hours of concentration and something physical to show for it.

The upside is that its so much fun. The downside is my skyrocketing Ebay ratings- all as a buyer. Still all in all, the stuff doesn’t take up too much room, and the cost will pay dividends over the next few months. I do enjoy when seemingly disparate fields blend over into another. My mind imagines combining the electronics with the woodworking with some photography- or an idea in one domain bleeds over into another. I just won another auction… This borders on addiction, but its managed. Now I’ve got a small Dremel-like rotary tool. It was a bargain!

I took some shots of the LED array lighting up my breadboard. It should appear above at some point, assuming I remember… Alas, too many things, not enough time. Momentum is hard to keep up. But like a hike up a hill, we can barely make out that next valley- we’re almost there. Fall is my favorite photo season. This and my other sites are sorely lacking new photos. Click click. Snap snap.

Rest and Reset

John — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 12:29:53 +0000

Its been an interesting month so far. Been sick and rested plenty. Summer flu isn’t fun at all. Allowed enough time to pass to let some subconscious thoughts bubble up to the surface. Last three months have been good with many milestones hit, and then its like walking onto that higher diving board and wham – you freeze up a bit.

So maybe its what they call a rebuilding period. So I took a few days off and actually worked with my hands and some power tools and spare lumber and other things and dusted off some old projects that lingered on the ‘not urgent’ end of the to-do list. Put up that coat hook, ordered some hardware, fixed a loose chair, made a calf block, set up the monitors at home to expand my screen real estate. …and excavated into a pile of stuff that I’ve been putting off organizing.

I guess I have run out of some long term goals, too. A series of rising expectations, whereby paradoxically I should be happiest, having completed some major goals – yet I’m not. Perhaps its time to brush off the tush and not rest on those laurels any longer. It reminds me of the story I heard from an Olympic gold medalist. The day after the trophy ceremony was his saddest day. He was goal-less. And so much effort and focus led to that gold medal.

Its not necessarily that being so goal-driven is a good thing. After all we should not be solely identified by our goals and accomplishments. Its more that he was directionless. Something along the lines of the travel, not the destination.

Another way to look at it is that this is sort of a personal Minsky Moment. Along that plane of existence, there aren’t more higher highs to be found. It is time to re-invent myself in some fashion. What was that saying? If you’re not growing you’re dying. Its time to visit a chameleon spirit- if such a beast exists. A vision quest. If the current financial collapse was a Minsky Moment of overextended credit – what exactly have I run out of in my life? I can’t seem to draw the parallel.

As usual, thinking along these lines creates more questions, not less. A quote that came my way recently resonates strongly. “What you are is what you have been. What you’ll be is what you do now.” -Buddha

But what to do now? Pieces of the answer are obvious, but as I grasp for the answer it is like the tip of an iceberg. Too heavy and cold to lift out of the murky waters. Do I proceed as I have been, or do I learn a new way to walk and talk and see and relate? The answer will come eventually and soon I suspect. I can feel it coming together. A new blend.

Mosquito Haiku

John — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 12:17:04 +0000

Horrid Mosquito!

My net has thousands of holes

Not one for you- Splat!

SoC #21

John — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 04:51:57 +0000

haven’t blogged in a while
or maybe it just seems that way…
hope you all had a good 4th
I ended up making it a relaxing weekend, but
got lured into the crowds of fireworks onlookers
on the westside highway around 70th street
might have gotten a couple nice shots with the camera
(haven’t looked at the stuff on the computer yet)
as it dawned on me that fireworks isn’t that easy to take nice shots of
if you don’t know what is coming up and the exposure takes quite
a few milliseconds and the fireworks come and go in that interim
also without a tripod and a mulling crowd its hard to hold still for 200+ milliseconds
even with an optical stabilizer
and it took a full 20 minutes to exit with all the people
just enough time for a mosquito to get me a few times on the leg
so that answers the question
do insects take the holidays off? (NO!)
can’t complain much with this moderate weather, but still its more rain than I remember for a July
and its almost mid month and haven’t turned the AC on yet, although I scratched
the AC cleaning off the to-do list early this year
finished that Elmore Leonard novel, it was fun to just read for pleasure
at various parks, cafes, and other places
and I’m starting another tonite
that kindle dropped in price to 299, and it seems like a bargain
but I think I’ll do some research and figure out how much
I spent on my last 20-30 books and see where I’d breakeven with a kindle
More recently I made it to the track for a couple 400’s but
then got sick the next day
and I think I actually slept about 40 of the last 50 hrs!
which only makes ups for the loss of sleep from those pesky Mosquitoes
but I do have nets now
came across more references to Neil Howe’s work
and his books are on my NYPL list now
although I find my passions pleasurable, sometimes it does add
to the stress levels, which could lead to me being sick
and its awkward to have the sniffles during July
so have to mix in some remoteness stuff, like
Now to “Pagen Babies”.