Blended Living

• How strange to hunger for some pure fiction reading as
• I usually devour anything but that
• yet nothing yields true in my quest to sate my mental appetite
• even some of the Young Adult books borrowed for others
• and ebooks is similarly lacking despite the many titles that come up
• downloading Karmic Koala now, just 17 more minutes
• but its too late to burn and reboot now
• weekend you can’t come soon enough!
• just one more day for the man
• then two for me and mine
• found a couple things cleaning, and thought of two things I can’t find
• with all the titles in my home, not finding something to read for a few minutes before turning in is well
• very unsatisfying to say the least
• I go through the motions but don’t put enough of myself into those present moments so
• some workouts and other exercises seem hollow
• but better than not doing them
• and certainly better than putting thoughts energy and time into negatives
• one thing to slide trying to hold fast quite another to just run in the wrong direction
• trying to build some momentum to slingshot around
• the dark winter months
• and emerge in the spring ready
• rather than have to gather strength then and start from scratch
• but running in winter is its own special discipline
• dark and cold, dark and cold, step by step but what a way to start the days
• with sunrises and serotonin storms in the brain, and those late afternoon lulls are weakening as my body and spirit grows stronger
• but such noble habits are fragile and have to maintain the string
• Seinfeldian chains and such
• Run on S’s and T’s, short of that at least 3 days a week weather permitting mornings
• that download meter lies as its still saying 17 minutes now
• but maybe I’m in the dark territory of my home WiFi
• and those packets keep colliding
• an old game appeared in the mail from an ebay auction that thoroughly
• entertained us a few years ago (and promptly the disk hid itself thereafter)
• hoping its still fun, but not as addicting as it was those 100+ hrs the two last weeks of 2004
• maybe I hook up the projector and we can play it on the large screen with the speakers cranked
• for the full effect but patience for the right time
• it would hardly fit into the schedule now with HW and world series but
• there isn’t a game tomorrow night…
• it could even be an inventive incentive to get HW done early for some gaming fun
• I’d trade game time for TV time but
• that Nova episode on Darwin teeters precariously on the edge of extinction on my DVR
• and it behaves much better when its only 80% gorged with my TV programs
• not much more frustrating than a weeks worth of shows recorded missing the last few minutes of each
• so there will be blood, a disgorging of shows
• and I finally found something interesting to browse
• a book at ebook.nypl about influential characters that never lived
• or fictional people that have influenced us like
• the Marlboro Man to mickey mouse to Spock, now
• morphing those guys together surely would make for a fun dance partner.

Uncategorized koala

Beautiful idea

Momentous clarity astounds

The bloom whithers

Uncategorized change, haiku, here, Now, there

• Its cold and late and dark and many things seem out of sorts
• not simply the physical but others
• in my newly reorganized bedroom I replugged in my DVD recorder
• and haven’t updated the clock so the blinking 12:00 beckons
• by the second and the rational side of me knows that its just another
• chronological display and I just haven’t found my way to do it and the spare 5 minutes to punch in the correct time
• but its like a symbol for how things are lately
• it could just take a few minutes but its not really urgent
• so let it blink…
• its little visual addition to the otherwise dark room dimly lit by the glow of a small netbook is just enough to be noticed on my periphery
• I wrongly over react and try to reign in my awareness
• to pull in my antenna so as to not notice the incessant calling of noon or midnight but
• such little things can teach us to narrow our view like when our brains don’t get enough oxygen
• and the tunnel starts to cave in on us
• except this is our attention to the here and now
• and contributes greatly to the enjoyment of life
• or lack thereof
• such little acts of attention towards ourselves and others
• tip our emotions between those that add to our energy
• and those that tear it down
• I wish to have the words and deeds that could enlighten my comrades in their harsh times
• my thoughts that go in and out with each of my slow even breaths
• perhaps they can fill in the blank thats in my little packet of intention with the words or thoughts
• or feelings that would envelop them like a warm blanket
• a spiritual hug if you will
• that says it will be OK
• and its just a blinking light.

Uncategorized

• rearranged my laptop stand and monitor in my bedroom and its not quite right yet
• which feels much like everything lately
• not inertia but a step sideways perhaps to a new perspective
• but not quite comfortable or feeling better yet
• was a sports milestones weekend as
• Jeter eclipsed the Yankee hit record
• Serena yelled her way out of the semifinals
• last second scoring in the Broncos included a tip and lucky TD catch
• Federer looked like he was master in command only
• to be surpassed himself the next day
• which leaves me wondering how to feel about it as
• I admired his fitness and strategy and mental fortitude
• only to read it online that he lost after I gave up watching the second set thinking
• that it was all but over and tired of
• watching the Federer vise close in on his opponents
• now I wish I recorded the match
• but that is how chance is sometimes… like
• the friend that almost ran into me with his car turning on 86th street
• as I stared up at my fantasy home
• contemplating the staggering sums of money to fulfill that dream
• and wondering why I stopped running regularly this summer suddenly
• but have to concede to the idea of the fun run being the start of my fall running season
• rather than the goal at the end
• the news lately accentuates a sense of things not being quite right
• with the Yale student’s latest creating doubt about many things
• yet this is the precise moment to renew faiths and beliefs
• but the mind wanders as I try to exercise some mind control
• my own mindfulness that is, not over someone else while
• I fold clothes but the touch of cotton
• and the smell of detergent and sights of colors isn’t
• enough to keep me here and now without struggle
• still the clothes are folded sooner than expected and further down
• my stream I think about the Broke American whom I
• know only as an avatar in a forum
• but his blog about consumerism and addictions and weight loss
• clues me into how much he is trying to do and all at once
• the setting sun looked marvelous from my neighbors roof deck
• as we consumed some moderately priced beer from Whole Foods
• and we spoke of many varied things and it struck me that I felt so strongly
• that our near future, that is the next few years will test all of us
• yet things will come out OK as I remain
• on the optimistic side of realism
• but many events do trouble me.

Uncategorized SoC

What’s been going on?  Its been a while since I’ve added words here.  Guess I just took some time off for the summer.  However a new season and is almost upon us.  Much ado about students returning to school, or entering a new phase in their lives which means work will be ramping up very soon.   Those vacationing in the Hamptons- the traders I mean- are drinking their last whatevers and getting back to business, so markets will likely be more volatile- meaning my other vocation picks up steam too.

I can’t believe that my older one is starting High School.  Orientation is this Wednesday. “Number One” my affectionate name for my first born, is excited and scared, as is expected.  There will be much to discuss later Wednesday, as she discovers more details about her next 4 years.  My little one, starts Middle School, so there is no shortage of newness in my household this year.

In fact, much of the last year has been spent preparing for this moment.  Essays, school visits, recommendations, late night discussions about school choice priorities, test prep, test taking – all wind into this next stage that starts imminently.  An emotional high pressure center is building over my dining table as we speak.  Clear skies or thunderstorms are hard to predict.

I’m reminded that sometimes ‘doing nothing’ is the right thing to be doing, sometimes.  Its just so frustrating to wait out these times, or at least it is profoundly for me.  So what’s a guy to do?  I restarted a couple hobbies – electronics and woodworking.   With so much that I do that is on a keyboard and virtual, its nice to actually plan, buy, cut, saw, hammer, screw and finish a little step stool, or solder a LED array.   A couple hours of concentration and something physical to show for it.

The upside is that its so much fun.  The downside is my skyrocketing Ebay ratings- all as a buyer. Still all in all, the stuff doesn’t take up too much room, and the cost will pay dividends over the next few months.  I do enjoy when seemingly disparate fields blend over into another.  My mind imagines combining the electronics with the woodworking with some photography- or an idea in one domain bleeds over into another.  I just won another auction…  This borders on addiction, but its managed.  Now I’ve got a small Dremel-like rotary tool.  It was a bargain!

I took some shots of the LED array lighting up my breadboard.  It should appear above at some point, assuming I remember…  Alas, too many things, not enough time.  Momentum is hard to keep up.  But like a hike up a hill, we can barely make out that next valley- we’re almost there.  Fall is my favorite photo season.   This and my other sites are sorely lacking new photos.  Click click. Snap snap.

Uncategorized end of summer, newness

Its been an interesting month so far.  Been sick and rested plenty.  Summer flu isn’t fun at all.  Allowed enough time to pass to let some subconscious thoughts bubble up to the surface.  Last three months have been good with many milestones hit, and then its like walking onto that higher diving board and wham – you freeze up a bit.

So maybe its what they call a rebuilding period.  So I took a few days off and actually worked with my hands and some power tools and spare lumber and other things and dusted off some old projects that lingered on the ‘not urgent’ end of the to-do list.  Put up that coat hook, ordered some hardware, fixed a loose chair, made a calf block, set up the monitors at home to expand my screen real estate.  …and excavated into a pile of stuff that I’ve been putting off organizing.

I guess I have run out of some long term goals, too.  A series of rising expectations, whereby paradoxically I should be happiest, having completed some major goals – yet I’m not.  Perhaps its time to brush off the tush and not rest on those laurels any longer.  It reminds me of the story I heard from an Olympic gold medalist.  The day after the trophy ceremony was his saddest day.  He was goal-less.  And so much effort and focus led to that gold medal.

Its not necessarily that being so goal-driven is a good thing.  After all we should not be solely identified by our goals and accomplishments.  Its more that he was directionless.  Something along the lines of the travel, not the destination.

Another way to look at it is that this is sort of a personal Minsky Moment.  Along that plane of existence, there aren’t more higher highs to be found.  It is time to re-invent myself in some fashion.  What was that saying?  If you’re not growing you’re dying.   Its time to visit a chameleon spirit- if such a beast exists. A vision quest.   If the current financial collapse was a Minsky Moment of overextended credit – what exactly have I run out of in my life?  I can’t seem to draw the parallel.

As usual, thinking along these lines creates more questions, not less.  A quote that came my way recently resonates strongly.  “What you are is what you have been. What you’ll be is what you do now.” -Buddha

But what to do now?  Pieces of the answer are obvious, but as I grasp for the answer  it is  like the tip of an iceberg.  Too heavy and cold to lift out of the murky waters.   Do I proceed as I have been, or do I learn a new way to walk and talk and see and relate?   The answer will come eventually and soon I suspect.  I can feel it coming together.  A new blend.

Uncategorized

Horrid Mosquito!

My net has thousands of holes

Not one for you- Splat!

Uncategorized

• haven’t blogged in a while
• or maybe it just seems that way…
• hope you all had a good 4th
• I ended up making it a relaxing weekend, but
• got lured into the crowds of fireworks onlookers
• on the westside highway around 70th street
• might have gotten a couple nice shots with the camera
• (haven’t looked at the stuff on the computer yet)
• as it dawned on me that fireworks isn’t that easy to take nice shots of
• if you don’t know what is coming up and the exposure takes quite
• a few milliseconds and the fireworks come and go in that interim
• also without a tripod and a mulling crowd its hard to hold still for 200+ milliseconds
• even with an optical stabilizer
• and it took a full 20 minutes to exit with all the people
• just enough time for a mosquito to get me a few times on the leg
• so that answers the question
• do insects take the holidays off?  (NO!)
• can’t complain much with this moderate weather, but still its more rain than I remember for a July
• and its almost mid month and haven’t turned the AC on yet, although I scratched
• the AC cleaning off the to-do list early this year
• finished that Elmore Leonard novel, it was fun to just read for pleasure
• at various parks, cafes, and other places
• and I’m starting another tonite
• that kindle dropped in price to 299, and it seems like a bargain
• but I think I’ll do some research and figure out how much
• I spent on my last 20-30 books and see where I’d breakeven with a kindle
• More recently I made it to the track for a couple 400’s but
• then got sick the next day
• and I think I actually slept about 40 of the last 50 hrs!
• which only makes ups for the loss of sleep from those pesky Mosquitoes
• but I do have nets now
• came across more references to Neil Howe’s work
• and his books are on my NYPL list now
• although I find my passions pleasurable, sometimes it does add
• to the stress levels, which could lead to me being sick
• and its awkward to have the sniffles during July
• so have to mix in some remoteness stuff, like
• Now to “Pagen Babies”.

Uncategorized

• I’ve slept more the last two nights than in the previous week
• that mosquito net can’t arrive too soon
• score update: killed another 5, but they bit us another 19 times (at least)
• this blissfulness with lots of sleep is throwing me off a bit
• is that the sun?
• its a strange round bright thing in the sky
• don’t crave caffeine today
• but haven’t run enough lately either
• maybe next week things will go smoother
• that was definitely runners legs on that babe I saw today
• she was dressed up for work, but with tennis shoes on and moving pretty fast
• took my first Yoga class a few days ago, was sore in a few new places
• but overall it was pretty cool, stretched out a few tight spots that running has made worse
• the instructor has such a nice soothing voice, I think I could have fallen asleep
• as we did the corpse pose at the end
• then she handed out some postcards
• with a photo of her doing a really impressive pose
• that inspired me greatly
• and gave me the impression that Yoga is harder than I really give it notice
• plus I was sweating more than I thought I would
• the librarian commented on my sunglasses
• and I said that it was nice to have the sun out so that I  could wear them
• I hope they get enough support to keep them open and hired
• basketball in the rain isn’t so much fun
• but it is cooler
• changes the game to outside shooting and driving only to the truly daring
• as the court is more skating rink than hardtop

Uncategorized

Some guys at work I head to the gym with three lunch times a week, talked me into some basketball.  I really liked the fact that we strive for a 10 minute weights workout – and I often scoff at the ‘long-timers’ and squatters that we have to maneuver around when we are on our little rush to fit in 10-12 sets and get out of there.

I especially like the fact that its almost fast enough that we don’t really sweat and we are out of there and on the way to grab a bite or head back to work in record time.  Not with basketball.  Despite the air conditioning, we are all drenched.  Despite the “we’ll just shoot around” line, I know the competitive nature that envelopes us all will win out.

Trying to not sweat so much, I fall back on my usual strategy of remembering past solutions and getting to the crux of the game. Min Max tables chart out in my head.  Minimize effort (sweat) and maximize results (baskets and reputations) .   I think of the main data points to recall, the way to size up an opponent, how to exploit my strengths and their weaknesses- I strategize that their must be about 7 things to know about someones game.  The stuff that would fill my cheatsheet about player X, or player Y.

Is he Righty or Lefty?  Can he dribble?  Perimeter shooter or layup artist?  Where does he set up to shoot?  When does he spot the rim?  What’s their pattern and rhythm?  Upset any of that and they will usually start to miss.  Miss much more often.   There are others, but it was only 2 on 2, and we only played 3 games, before getting exhausted.

I guess I was applying a sort of facial reading, but in a more physical whole body way.  It would be interesting to see where the tells are.  Like a poker game.  Patterns set up, and then I like to exploit them.  That’s the real fun part of the game for me.  Basketball, poker, chess, trading, people reading – there’s more in common than we think sometimes.  Or at least in the way I see things.

The other difference is I can control how much weight to lift, the number of reps, and choose to skip a particular weight machine, or exercise.  In the heat of the game, past glories light up our memories, and we think that we can hit that shot again. There are more opposing forces here, than just steel and gravity and singular will power. Arms and elbows and knees collide in the dance to score 15 baskets, first.  I’m sore and bruised.

Uncategorized min max, sweat