Blended Living

• How strange to hunger for some pure fiction reading as
• I usually devour anything but that
• yet nothing yields true in my quest to sate my mental appetite
• even some of the Young Adult books borrowed for others
• and ebooks is similarly lacking despite the many titles that come up
• downloading Karmic Koala now, just 17 more minutes
• but its too late to burn and reboot now
• weekend you can’t come soon enough!
• just one more day for the man
• then two for me and mine
• found a couple things cleaning, and thought of two things I can’t find
• with all the titles in my home, not finding something to read for a few minutes before turning in is well
• very unsatisfying to say the least
• I go through the motions but don’t put enough of myself into those present moments so
• some workouts and other exercises seem hollow
• but better than not doing them
• and certainly better than putting thoughts energy and time into negatives
• one thing to slide trying to hold fast quite another to just run in the wrong direction
• trying to build some momentum to slingshot around
• the dark winter months
• and emerge in the spring ready
• rather than have to gather strength then and start from scratch
• but running in winter is its own special discipline
• dark and cold, dark and cold, step by step but what a way to start the days
• with sunrises and serotonin storms in the brain, and those late afternoon lulls are weakening as my body and spirit grows stronger
• but such noble habits are fragile and have to maintain the string
• Seinfeldian chains and such
• Run on S’s and T’s, short of that at least 3 days a week weather permitting mornings
• that download meter lies as its still saying 17 minutes now
• but maybe I’m in the dark territory of my home WiFi
• and those packets keep colliding
• an old game appeared in the mail from an ebay auction that thoroughly
• entertained us a few years ago (and promptly the disk hid itself thereafter)
• hoping its still fun, but not as addicting as it was those 100+ hrs the two last weeks of 2004
• maybe I hook up the projector and we can play it on the large screen with the speakers cranked
• for the full effect but patience for the right time
• it would hardly fit into the schedule now with HW and world series but
• there isn’t a game tomorrow night…
• it could even be an inventive incentive to get HW done early for some gaming fun
• I’d trade game time for TV time but
• that Nova episode on Darwin teeters precariously on the edge of extinction on my DVR
• and it behaves much better when its only 80% gorged with my TV programs
• not much more frustrating than a weeks worth of shows recorded missing the last few minutes of each
• so there will be blood, a disgorging of shows
• and I finally found something interesting to browse
• a book at ebook.nypl about influential characters that never lived
• or fictional people that have influenced us like
• the Marlboro Man to mickey mouse to Spock, now
• morphing those guys together surely would make for a fun dance partner.

Beautiful idea

Momentous clarity astounds

The bloom whithers

• That Yankee game was a bummer in both senses that they lost and it wasn’t so enjoyable to watch
• wanted to go for a run but no breaks in the rain
• still its great to have the local team in the big show this year
• have to make time to try that vietnamese sandwich (bahn mi?) soon
• flipping thru a lifetime fitness book and it seemed to offer nothing new on first glance but
• further reading has chanced upon a couple new ways to look at things
• it seems to be geared towards fitness professionals and I’m thinking if that profession
• could have a sea change like say meterologists have had in the last decade
• what a momentous turn society could take in this next generation
• but the stats are agin’ us with over 60% fat or obese
• yet if many people chose to balance out their lives with some stress busting exercise
• say over the next 2-3 years
• which I believe will be quite taxing on our nerves
• as the economy see saws a bit
• and we won’t know to be optimistic at just the wrong times and
• hopes will be dashed as things seem to be recovering and its safe to wade out into the deep areas of the economic waters again
• experimenting with dawn simulation and white and blue lights on a timer
• its supposed to ward off SAD but sitting in front of lights seems like such a bore if you can’t fit in some other activity
• so with dawn simulation I’ve got a timer and some LEDs fashioned together to light up the bed area about 30 minutes before my alarm goes off
• it does seem to work, I awake better and sometimes I don’t need the alarm
• but I have it aimed up and reflected back down on me off the ceiling so that its not so intense, but after another week or so
• I might turn it around and see how shining directly feels
• funny how its something from a 1960′s spy movie that I found so cool as a kid
• and now I get to play with it
• the jet setting, woman in each port, world saving lifestyle could be cool to live for a few months too
• but that’s hollywood
• NYC is a pretty good approximation of the world, but without airport delays
• and we get most of the climates
• I gave a girl a christmas present today as
• I am notorious for present giving without temporal relevance
• or in other words time and dates are such an inconvenience when you discover a great present
• and in the other cases you get inundated with presents anyhow on your birthday, holidays, etc anyway
• and the lack of a present then is nothing compared to the addition of a random present on say any given Wednesday in October
• and its the type of present that lets her create presents for others
• so some advance timing before christmas works out too
• hmm is that Euro turning down or is it gonna break upwards?
• that’s what makes it so interesting – it takes on a personality for a while
• then morphs into something else for a while
• or sometimes runs along in one direction for months
• missed a great move this week as work intrudes on my focus
• but there’s always another train leaving the station
• just that that train produced 150% in the span of  a lunchtime
• liked Peaceful Warrior, both the book and the movie
• what was it again? Mystery, humor, and change…
• reading a couple books I bought a while ago but neglected when life got busy
• one on kaizen, and another on mindfulness
• and realizing I really need to write down things more…
• as I had one of those moments when seemingly disparate things came together in
• a true moment of clarity
• well here’s to new trade setups, meeting some new and interesting people, letting go of the need to control the future, and maybe some natural sunlight tomorrow
• but the blue dawn comes up right on schedule over my bed now.

• Its cold and late and dark and many things seem out of sorts
• not simply the physical but others
• in my newly reorganized bedroom I replugged in my DVD recorder
• and haven’t updated the clock so the blinking 12:00 beckons
• by the second and the rational side of me knows that its just another
• chronological display and I just haven’t found my way to do it and the spare 5 minutes to punch in the correct time
• but its like a symbol for how things are lately
• it could just take a few minutes but its not really urgent
• so let it blink…
• its little visual addition to the otherwise dark room dimly lit by the glow of a small netbook is just enough to be noticed on my periphery
• I wrongly over react and try to reign in my awareness
• to pull in my antenna so as to not notice the incessant calling of noon or midnight but
• such little things can teach us to narrow our view like when our brains don’t get enough oxygen
• and the tunnel starts to cave in on us
• except this is our attention to the here and now
• and contributes greatly to the enjoyment of life
• or lack thereof
• such little acts of attention towards ourselves and others
• tip our emotions between those that add to our energy
• and those that tear it down
• I wish to have the words and deeds that could enlighten my comrades in their harsh times
• my thoughts that go in and out with each of my slow even breaths
• perhaps they can fill in the blank thats in my little packet of intention with the words or thoughts
• or feelings that would envelop them like a warm blanket
• a spiritual hug if you will
• that says it will be OK
• and its just a blinking light.