Rest and Reset
Its been an interesting month so far. Been sick and rested plenty. Summer flu isn’t fun at all. Allowed enough time to pass to let some subconscious thoughts bubble up to the surface. Last three months have been good with many milestones hit, and then its like walking onto that higher diving board and wham – you freeze up a bit.
So maybe its what they call a rebuilding period. So I took a few days off and actually worked with my hands and some power tools and spare lumber and other things and dusted off some old projects that lingered on the ‘not urgent’ end of the to-do list. Put up that coat hook, ordered some hardware, fixed a loose chair, made a calf block, set up the monitors at home to expand my screen real estate. …and excavated into a pile of stuff that I’ve been putting off organizing.
I guess I have run out of some long term goals, too. A series of rising expectations, whereby paradoxically I should be happiest, having completed some major goals – yet I’m not. Perhaps its time to brush off the tush and not rest on those laurels any longer. It reminds me of the story I heard from an Olympic gold medalist. The day after the trophy ceremony was his saddest day. He was goal-less. And so much effort and focus led to that gold medal.
Its not necessarily that being so goal-driven is a good thing. After all we should not be solely identified by our goals and accomplishments. Its more that he was directionless. Something along the lines of the travel, not the destination.
Another way to look at it is that this is sort of a personal Minsky Moment. Along that plane of existence, there aren’t more higher highs to be found. It is time to re-invent myself in some fashion. What was that saying? If you’re not growing you’re dying. Its time to visit a chameleon spirit- if such a beast exists. A vision quest. If the current financial collapse was a Minsky Moment of overextended credit – what exactly have I run out of in my life? I can’t seem to draw the parallel.
As usual, thinking along these lines creates more questions, not less. A quote that came my way recently resonates strongly. “What you are is what you have been. What you’ll be is what you do now.” -Buddha
But what to do now? Pieces of the answer are obvious, but as I grasp for the answer it is like the tip of an iceberg. Too heavy and cold to lift out of the murky waters. Do I proceed as I have been, or do I learn a new way to walk and talk and see and relate? The answer will come eventually and soon I suspect. I can feel it coming together. A new blend.
